Shining a light on Darkness

Since I've spent so much time talking about the scourge of "white genocide" lately I wanted to use this Sunday post to bring awareness to another terrible issue that plagues the citizens of the United States - Unicorn rustling.

Every year, thousands of unicorns are stolen from their enclosures. Nowhere is safe.

Zoos.

Stables.

Even backyards.

Law enforcement's response has been basically nonexistent. Said one officer that I totally just spoke with, "Um, unicorns aren't real... And if you keep calling me I'm going to charge you with obstruction for wasting my time.". Really, officer Macmillan of the Houston police department? Then what do you call this?!

This is Frank. Frank is my unicorn. I keep him in a secure, undisclosed location because of the tremendous danger that he faces from unicorn rustlers. We live in fear everyday that they will come for him and his precious, magical horn. The police don't care. The city council? They laughed me out of their meeting! They told me "Bring Frank here and we will acknowledge the existence of your "unicorn".". They even did the air quotes. I'm not a fool, council woman Karla Cisneros. I bring my unicorn to the meeting and then what? He gets rustled, that's what. Not on my watch.

And to those calling this fake - If the picture is fake, why did I make it so blurry? Checkmate.

So, why the inaction? Why the blue wall? What is really going on? Well, hold on to your hats, folks, because this is where things get a little unbelievable.

Meet Houston's new police chief, Art Acevedo. Prior to his posting here in Houston Acevedo was Austin's police chief. At the time I write this Austin does not contain ONE SINGLE UNICORN. They're all gone. Every single one. Why would Acevedo do this? Why has he declared war on unicorns and those that love them?

I put it to you that Art Acevedo is none other than...

THE LORD OF DARKNESS!

That's right. Ever see him in the sun? Nope. The Lord of Darkness has returned, this time in Texas, and he is once more trying to kill the light to cement his rule over us all.

He's been here a year, but already the terrible damage that he has done to this city is apparent. Drive around Houston all you want and you will find no unicorns. Only the empty fields that once contained them and sad, unicornless people in need of rescue. Our city is under siege by Darkness, and his goblins, and no one is doing a thing about it.

We must secure the existence of our unicorns and a future for mythical beasts.